I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
