She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
