Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
ok first of all what the fuck
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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