Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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