I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
