It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
