just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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