I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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