i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
