The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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