Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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