please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
