I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
