I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize