We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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