so explain again why im purple
no
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
