I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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