If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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