I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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