coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
