I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
