planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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