Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
