apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
