The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
