is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
