I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
there is glitter all over my balls
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
