Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
