Sry I called you an 8
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
