It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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