the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
