it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
