You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
