Cold hands, warm shart.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
