ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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