Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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