the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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