God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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