this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
