90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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