hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
