i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
