I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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