there's paper in my vomit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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