There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
