butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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