dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
