there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
