She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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