Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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