**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
