Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
