so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
