you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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