Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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