Tell her she can't have a vagina
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
