wrigley field is MILF paradise
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I touched a dick in church today
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
