You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
