omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
