also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
