Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the condom got lost in my hair
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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