he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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