I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
