My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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