I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
