Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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