i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
