we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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