New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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