i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
