I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
